I’m not shy, in fact some would say that I should be more modest, especially here in the south. I was raised that a woman doesn’t have to modest to be respected, and that is exactly my rules of engagement.
As a woman endowed with ample bosom I get my fair share from men, but equally from women. I can’t count the number of times another woman has said to me, “pull your blouse up” or “you’re showing too much” as if to share, even accidentally, what I can’t physically help makes them uncomfortable & is therefore somehow my problem. I’m not nearly as self aware as I should be, but I assure I won’t become self conscious for someone else’s comfort either. Granted it would be distracting if folks walked around naked, but I shouldn’t have to wear a burka either so that people don’t have to be inconvenienced by my state of being. So yes, we can agree that empowerment isn’t even supported by the same gender, and much of that has to do with ego. So yes, we know this spans all walks, but not everyone individually.
Some would say part of my state of being is sexual empowerment, I suppose it depends on how you view sexual stereotypes. Much less those physically, such as the notion that if a man or woman is of larger stature that they are proportionate in any other way, which anyone who has been in clinical in the healthcare industry with specific experience can tell you isn’t true, or this weird notion that childbirth or too many partners ruins a woman, which is certainly not true. Thankfully our bodies are built for that, after all how many bowel movements have you had and you’re still functioning properly? My hat off to anyone who has endured trauma in birth however, and that deserves more support then degradation in our society.
Recently I had the pleasure of hanging out with a couple who always mystified me, in fact I’m usually eager to hang out because of my ongoing conundrum is understanding them individually since they seem to mostly share my beliefs and yet are so different. I tend to surround myself with a variety of people with a complexity of beliefs, as long as we can respect one another. Though hypocrisy lives everywhere, across all spans of religious, and political beliefs even that of my own. I do not have a sense of blind loyalty and I ask that you don’t as well as you take this read in.
I’m candid in my conversation around my personal freedom & liberation. Generally speaking I have been fortunate to couple with like mind people where freedom is valued as much as respect. I suppose I took for granted that for some people the two cannot coexist among my peers.
I learned this through this “woke” couple who shared the same political and social beliefs as me, that even my conservative friends would be more forgiving & generous to their significant others than perhaps they are. It wasn’t uncommon for the male counterpart of this couple to make comments about what his partner doesn’t do for him. From breakfast, coffee, cleaning to fellatio, he wasn’t shy. I suppose you could say that since he does the cleaning and cooking, the distribution of duties clearly indicates household duty fairness where it comes to gender, right? There is nothing wrong with venting either, right?
I would suppose with household duties its a means of survival since we all have a choice, either make coffee or there won’t be any. Though very frequently the male counterpart of this relationship goes out of his way to tell us as a group who he thinks is hot out of the women we know, specifically people we know personally. The same assumption could be made that transparency is the best policy, but here is where intent matters. What I’ve learned as with many others at this stage in my life is a sense of class about these things. What is motivating you to share that information? Does it turn your significant other on? Is it to make your guests or SO to feel inferior? Is it to incite a debate or agreement on the shared opinion(s)? Is the conversation alienating in nature?
As I sat & asked myself these questions while he spoke, I realized very quickly the intention was to alienate me or cause me discomfort. I would never go out of my way to make a guest feel poorly about themselves, and certainly the pattern seemed to exist where it came to females since the conversation wasn’t alienating any males present. My partners have always had freedom of expression, opinion & desires but not if the intent was to alienate or hurt me, that’s not about freedom of speech, that’s about control. Sound familiar? I can think of many men who degrade women just for that purpose, so my shock and awe was natural when you consider I wouldn’t expect this from a person who claims not supporting those sorts of people.
During this same conversation the topic of fellatio came up, the male counterpart of the relationship pointed out he doesn’t receive this, I mentioned it’s reciprocal in jest, and he says about his significant other that “he doesn’t eat meatloaf“. My reaction was a slow & painful “oh shit”, not because I care about who is getting deprived personally, but because I was so horribly confused. If I’ve ever loved someone, it’s never been a ‘chore’ to see them happy, or be generous to them, but never have I ever been made to feel the same in return as if to love me was a chore. Or worse yet, that I wasn’t attractive to them in every way. In fact, my encounters have always been enthusiastic exchanges, shouldn’t it be? Is life not to short for that?!? So, I couldn’t wrap my head around a ‘progressive’ couple not being liberated, but more specifically being nearly cruel about it? Maybe it was supposed to be funny, but I can assure you if a women referred to her lovers parts as a stinky stick, even in jest it would hurt.
I’ll say that I haven’t had any issues related to that personally, I’ve been fairly confident in private. In part probably because my encounters never left me feeling that way. I suppose I’ve learned that with my partners generosity has always inspired mine, there’s no limit once you know we’re all doing great. In fact my partners have always had quite a bit of freedom because I wasn’t riddled with anxiety. For some jealous partners, their SO is the source of anxiety by depriving them and perhaps degrading them. I’ve found that if couples talk about & to each other in the capacity mentioned above as he has, more specifically feel that way about each other, what’s really even the point in sex? I’d imagine because of the deprivation at minimum? Haven’t you ever been hangry? There is such a thing when it comes to being deprived in this way as well such as lacking orgasm. Studies have shown that many women don’t orgasm without cunnilingus, and if deprived, they aren’t having one at all? Hahaha, ok good luck with your platonic relationship bud, sorry not sorry but that’s not sustainable. In fact, who makes breakfast for someone when their intimately hangry….
(you mean orgasm)
Perhaps, I get more done because I’m not in a bad mood. If I’m singing like a canary, you’d be surprised how much gets done. Sadly though, there is even a culture of men who pride themselves in depriving their ladies. Yeah, right?!? I was confused too, I hadn’t learned this until I couldn’t get this off my mind and turned to research to discover it’s a thing. Seriously, there are men like this, and probably women too. Intimacy, when successful releases a burst of serotonin, that’s a feel good hormone. It’s responsible for what we know to be the “honeymoon” stage of the couple, so even great intimacy needs a change up once that dies down. However, if this isn’t a shared experience, what can you really expect in return? In time, that chemical reaction calms down, which is what leads some people to eventually stray, and I imagine in the case of this soon to be, if not already this platonic couple I’m referencing to be completely bored and lackluster. After all, it’s certainly not inspiring breakfast, am I right?
If you’ve settled for this dynamic as your best, what on Earth did rock bottom look like? Our conversation continued that evening with his wife going to bed & his explanation that women aren’t like men, according to him, we aren’t visual creatures and that is why shows like GOT pander to men and so forth. I was blown away, not only does this fail stereotyping 101, but it also speaks to the fact that he has no comprehension then of what being a minority looks like, or as it were a person without power. I’ve heard people say before that minority is about being the least volume of the populous, but that is not true. Being a minority is inconsequential to volume, it’s about who dominates the market by way of power. Just the same way elite rich people lobby politically and therefore no matter how much we vote we’ll have our work cut out for us. This notion totally disregarded people as personalities and only by genders, as if to say that because I’m a woman I care more about flowers than sex?
So with all that in mind, shouldn’t your partner be making your life more pleasurable and not put you in a state of anxiety? Women are half, or barely more than half of the population yet we’re represented so poorly, case in point his example of nudity in media is primarily women, and not because the stereotype applies, but because we have less representation. With all that in mind, that’s exactly why swinging or other experimentation is successful, because it’s not about a partner being a failure at all, & if it were they wouldn’t have a chance. Enlightened people, get what they want, it’s not rocket science. One would even argue that the anxiety of feeling inferior, perhaps by your own partner & being reduced to nothing with that level of freedom and is a recipe for disaster.
Back to being a minority, this is exactly why it’s a big deal when there is a female superhero in the box office, a female director, or as a person of color, because it’s being celebrated by people who have been deprived of their narrative. Worse yet, god forbid such a thing tout the fact that it’s minority lead, because the minute it does those very people who are either subservient to those who hold power, or those who hold power and view it the same way as this fella does then immediately reject it purely on that premises, which tells you something about being mentally adaptable or as it were “woke”. So yes Virginia there is a misogynist self proclaimed progressive out there, but please don’t let that lead you to believe that all people who claim to be so are as well.
Finally, this engagement concluded with a brief discussion of said fella sharing that he felt he can’t say anything anymore without being judged, and for the most part has resorted to saying nothing at all but in the company of people he can trust, even not utilizing social media as a result. As you can imagine, I was a bit confused. I mean, I stand up for my beliefs, why shouldn’t anyone else? I will say that, neither he or anyone else should be afraid to share their true nature. In fact, I encourage it. If you find that people have a visceral reaction to what you’re saying, then you need to ask yourself why? If you’re not receptive to why, you’re pandering to the wrong people. However, don’t be surprised if progressive women aren’t ok with degradation, and the ideation of being a mastabatory toy. As for me, I welcome the challenge to learn about opposing views & sharing mine. In fact, you could say I was culturally conditioned for it, welcome to the club bud.